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By Sandra Tillinghast Reprinted from Upline Magazine, June 2000 |
 Why
are some people successful while others are not? Why do some people risk
while others don't? In many cases, the explanation is as simple as the
cost of self-limiting beliefs. Have you ever looked at a person in your
downline and thought, "Gee -- they have it all. They are going to go straight
to the top," only to find out months or years later that although they
seemed to have it all, there were things that just kept coming up and getting
in the way of accomplishment? Some may have been real obstacles, some self-imposed.
It happens all the time. We collect self-limiting beliefs in all areas
of our life: love, pain, fear, image, communication, money, self-worth,
responsibility, expectations, emotional, physical, spiritual, intellectual,
professional, and social.
You may ask: How do I know if I have these beliefs? How do I know which of the people in my downline have these beliefs and what can I do about it? First let's take a look at how they appear: I'm not: Good enough, lovable, intelligent, responsible, as good as, wanted, pretty, thin, handsome, worthy, fun, happy, content, confident, cared for, loved for myself, creative, perfect, emotional, talkative, adequate, masculine, feminine, sexy. I am too: Intense, fat, thin, tall, short, stupid, aggressive, closed, shy, weird, scattered, selfish, unattractive, lazy, immature, mature, serious, sensitive, depressed, crazy, different, spoiled, intelligent, understanding, trusting. I fear: Honesty, success, sickness, poverty, criticism, rejection, loneliness, appearing weak, getting angry, being vulnerable, being wrong, being out of control, being a loser, being left out, feeling judged, being abandoned, being controlled, knowing myself, loss of love, knowing others' true feelings, being a failure, being unmasculine, being unfeminine, being boring, being closed, being unacceptable, getting old, feeling stupid, feeling unworthy, being inadequate, being incompetent, appearing foolish. In our center -- at the very top of the stomach -- is where beliefs start. You can feel it when someone says something hurtful or if you suddenly become afraid. Depending on what we hear or feel about ourselves, we create beliefs that begin to limit us. If you live with these beliefs long enough, and believe they are true on an emotional level, you have created a self-limiting emotion which is even stronger than any belief. Once you start making choices based on these beliefs and emotions, they become self-limiting behaviors. How does that affect your business? Fear of approaching someone, fear of rejection, pre-judging a situation, sabotaging behavior because of a feeling of unworthiness or fear of success or fear of failing. These fears keep us from taking action, and inaction is a self-limiting behavior. These beliefs stop people before they ever get started and drain us of our energy. Our job is to build relationships and motivate people who believe they can and will become successful at their Network Marketing business. Our job is to encourage them and inspire them. If we buy into the limited beliefs that they have about themselves, their business and our growth is doomed. Many successful Networkers have said, in looking back, that their biggest regret is having spent too much time with the wrong people. I absolutely believe this. However, I have been doing this business for 14 years, and I still sometimes find it difficult to tell the right people from the wrong people right away. Are the right people self-motivated, self-reliant visionaries? If they are, then they are few and far between. Don't get discouraged. You are looking for people with leadership ability who are willing to do the work that is necessary to get them where they say they want to go. If they are not willing to do the work, they are the wrong people. It is that simple. Let go and move on. Can leaders be developed? Yes! But only if they want to be. Sometimes they don't realize that they want to be or can be until they find out who they really are and how they have been showing up in their lives and careers so far. Sometimes that means having them take a personal inventory. Learn to ask some soul-searching questions:
I am grateful that the person who first introduced me to this industry didn't buy into my own self-limiting beliefs. I broke free with a nudge in the right direction. When I went to my first Network Marketing meeting, I was inspired, touched in my heart and soul, and I was challenged. I knew that in order to achieve in this industry, I would have to become the person I always knew I could be but was afraid to become. One step at a time made it less overwhelming. Instead of being afraid, I got excited. This business has done more than give me a healthy income. It gave me my life back. I became someone I felt proud to be. I had plenty of self-limiting beliefs that were not supporting my success. In order to gain success, I had to modify my self-limiting beliefs and focus on what was constructive. Of course, the journey isn't over yet. Today I am still evolving and growing. I'd like to recommend a course of action. First, ask yourself the following questions pertaining to your business and use the information you get to find the talents and qualities within you which are your own personal ingredients for success.
Second, create a statement of purpose which you can repeat out loud throughout the day. Make sure it speaks to who you are. Ask yourself these questions and form your statement from their answers:
When I started my Networking career, no one asked me if I had experience, they asked me if I had a dream. I love this industry and I am very grateful for the life I have been able to create because of it. Today my purpose is to create an environment of challenge, enlightenment, and progression for anyone who is on that type of journey. This is done through loving, open, honest, communication, and a deep level of compassion and understanding. My greatest tools are my faith, courage, and determination. I have seen the past. My interest is only in the future and who and what I can become. ~SANDRA TILLINGHASTis a National
Vice President with
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